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      我知道你终将闪耀

      作者:admin 总点击:12更新时间 : 2019-09-30 11:20:29

        

      桑雨是她的网名,我们相识于一个叫作“五道口落榜群”的QQ群。

      五道口是原中国人民银行金融研究院的别称,现为清华大学五道口学院,一度被誉为金融学考研的巅峰??佳谐杉ǔ隼粗?,不知道是谁建了这个群,但我们在群里热火朝天地聊天时,都暂时忘记了落榜的痛苦。

      后来,我们一起去参加另一个学校的调剂复试,我才见到了现实中的她。她是典型的南方女孩,外表娇弱,声音很轻,但我一直记得她倔强的眼眸和一针见血的谈吐,也记得我问她为什么要考五道口时,她只回答了八个字:“犯其至难,图其致远?!?/p>

      那时候,考上五道口的人里有很多是二战甚至三战。我是第一次考,但她已经是第二年考了,我们俩一样差四分到复试线。想必她也和我一样,听到的言论多是:“啊,只差一点,明年肯定就考上了!”

      可就算“只差一点”,我也没有勇气再考一年。她也有些纠结,因为她如果再考一年就是三战了。在这场最没有硝烟又孤军奋战的战役中,没人能为你担?!懊髂昃湍芸忌稀?,更没人帮你分担那些黑漆漆的夜里睁大着眼睛寻找希望的孤寂,和因为孤注一掷、背水一战而承担的莫大的压力。何况女孩的青春原本就转瞬即逝,为一个学校赌上三年的时光,家人的担忧朋友的劝阻连同自己的怀疑都像是一条难以趟过的冰河,步步艰难,无可逾越。

      可我只听她轻描淡写地说起她二战时独自在校外租房复习的种种。我挺佩服她的,不说别的,就每天十四五个小时的复习强度,这已经超越了多少考研人。南方没有暖气的冬天,她独自一人在出租房里抱着热水袋看书做题,那么荒凉贫瘠的环境里,她心里全是温热的希望。

      调剂复试之后,我被录取了。数番波折,百般纠结,我放弃了为五道口二战的想法,而她,还是毅然回去准备了三战。

      后来我们没再联系过。我开始了研究生生活,她又翻开了那些数学复习全书、英语单词红宝书、和不知看过多少遍的专业课笔记。整整一年里,她的QQ签名一直是阿兰?德波顿的那句话:“我们在黑暗中掘地洞之余,一定要努力化眼泪为知识?!?/p>

      一年的时光呼啸逝去,和已经过去的每一年一样不留痕迹。第二年的春天,朋友发给我一个链接,是五道口的最终录取名单。我一眼就看到她的名字赫然在列,初春的风透过窗子飘进来,让人无法抑制眼里的热泪。为着我所放弃的路途她举步维艰地走到了终点,再明艳的鲜花和再响亮的掌声都不够作为对她的嘉赏。我想象她一个人趟过寒冷的冰河,遍尝孤独的滋味,在无人给予鼓励时用强大的内心力量源源不断地滋养着自己,终于走到了一个鹰飞草长的春天。

      三年的青春换一个梦想的入口,多少人问到底值不值,甚至有很多人称呼坚持数年考研的人为“考研病人”??汕啻豪锏暮粜ケ寂?、颠沛流离,从没有多少对错和道理,“值得”二字可至轻也可至重,度量全在人心。我只是一早就知道,那个柔弱的她终将闪耀,如日光投射辽阔原野,如流星之于无垠天际。

      这段时间整理新书的书稿,那些模糊的往事带着新鲜的潮湿卷土重来,我差点儿都忘了,我也曾为它们写过那么多的字。我觉得,就算走到很远很远的以后,我也再难写出比它们更坦荡赤诚、饱含热泪的字迹。因为它们所代表的坦荡赤诚、饱含热泪的岁月正一步一步和我告别,在我依依不舍地远离校园时光时。

      时光倒回到一年前,我沉默地写着它们时,我在豆瓣还只有一百多个关注,并没有多少人看到。而实习单位却有几百个客户等着我一一拜访,他们都要忍受我在任务压力下不厌其烦口干舌燥的营销。我早已不记得他们的脸,自己开口前的尴尬忐忑,以及那些少许热情多数冷漠的回应,只记得炙灼暑气下发烫的公车座椅,盛热正午餐厅里的小憩,还有因为手里濡湿的汗水而变得皱皱巴巴的产品单页。

      所以实习结束的那一天,我终于得以从西裤换成西瓜红的小热裤,和小伙伴们笑着闹着走在路上,只看到天空由于秋意的初临而变得清朗高远,一大蓬又一大蓬软绵绵的云彩让人想要大声跳起来sayhi。我们都晒黑了累瘦了,可奔向未来的脚步铿锵有声。

      后来开始找工作,我经常拿出它们来看看。在北京的深秋晚高峰推推攘攘的地铁站里一条条地刷新招聘通知时,在天津的初冬穿着单薄西装大衣难以抵御突如其来的降温和大风时,在上?;鸪嫡竞虺荡筇叩然鸪当呖吹诙煲媸缘钠笠导蚪槭?。那些字迹,在后来温暖无数个陌生人之前,首先无数次地温暖了我自己。在我不知何去何从时,它们提醒着我过去的自己曾有过的勇敢和无畏,一路奔跑的身影和终于迎来的赤色艳阳。那些字迹,一个又一个,都是跳跃滚烫的初心,在字里行间得以永久封印。

      时间倒回到两年前,也是暑假,第一次看到《异类》里的一万小时天才理论,我在愿望清单里写了好多个愿望,其中一个是出版一本书。后来是马不停蹄的实习,和因为要考证总要在自习室里熬至深夜的场景。疲累又迷茫的日日夜夜里,反复叩问思索,期待着命运给我一次从容选择的机会。十一月独自在宿舍写字,一推窗,白茫茫的新鲜雪地,仿佛大梦初醒一般让人心中一动。旧事纷纷如飘零落雪,只有想到自己一路奔跑一直成长的路途才觉得凛凛寒风并不可畏,也只有自己才能将一个雨水温热山川温柔的春天唤醒。

      时间倒回到四年前,上千人在一个闷热的大教室里听考研数学课。我从第一排转身向后看,他们的神情竟出乎意料地相似。后来那样的神情我在拥挤燥热的企业宣讲会上看过,在水泄不通的招聘现场看过,在新公司入职培训的动员会上看过,在校园里手挽着手热烈地谈天说地的人群中看过。

      我才知道,那神情,属于无数个年轻的你和我,属于贫瘠年华里对未来最恳切的热望,属于被现实打败之前耀目荣光的无畏青春。

      有段时间,网上盛传一篇叫做“为什么要努力”的帖子。也有人问我,为什么要努力?我想,是因为人生有那么多就算你努力了也无法掌控的东西。比如你寤寐思服的那个人的心,比如父母渐渐老去的容颜,比如时间如流沙一般无可挽回的逝去。所以,对于那些努力了便能扎扎实实握在掌心的东西,为什么不珍惜为什么不争取呢?

      说到底,年轻时所有的你追我赶、冲锋陷阵,不过是为了兑换一场酣畅淋漓、了无遗憾的时光而已。让无数个看似庸碌平凡实则丰饶激荡的灵魂,在陷入回忆时能露出一抹温柔的笑意。

      你一定和我一样,明白除了在寒风中裹紧衣领往前走,别无他法能带我们走向一个温柔明媚的春天。

      而我也知道,在被庸碌现实俘虏之前,在被琐碎生活招安之前,你终将闪耀,如日光投射辽阔原野,如流星之于无垠天际。


      超人气吐血推荐,人气指数:★★★★★★★

      不负相思意

      爱你多荒唐

      女杀手的爱情

      等你的爱太遥远

      爱情大国女

      以我情深入你眼眸

      惹火小情人

      最深爱的女人

      爱为你生死相许

      倘若爱有天意

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